Tuesday, March 6, 2012

As the Light of Venus Rose - Part I, Chapter Three



Part I, Chapter Three


Taos 2004

Situated on the edge of Taos, Amanda’s new adobe-brick home with passive solar panels offered extra warmth from the sun’s rays in the cold winters at the 7000 foot altitude and provided a quiet retreat to prepare her talks on spiritual awareness, fueled by her own growth. Her travels throughout the western states to present workshops and seminars kept her busy as she enjoyed the solace of the town.

One evening relaxing alone by the wood stove, which added extra comfort after sunset, Amanda watched the movie City of Angels, starring Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan, the story of an angel, Cage, who falls in love with a human, Ryan, and he has the chance to “descend” from being an angel in order to live with her. Once he does, however, the Ryan character dies suddenly in an accident, but the angel-turned-man never regrets his decision.

A spiritual, or at least other worldly, being falling in love with a human caught Amanda’s attention. The previous night, Amanda had dreamed of a library scene, vague with few remembered specifics, other than she had been viewing rows of book shelves. In the movie, when the angel walked into a library, where he and angels like him “lived” on earth, seemingly a base camp, Amanda felt pulled into a remembrance or message as that prickly feeling occurred and she knew her connection with Avedar was back, sensing him in her home, and in thoughts triggered by the movie, knowing he was more than just a guide, he was appealing to her as a lover.

Okay... I have heard about humans having sex with beings on other dimensions, and I remember joking with a friend who visited me in Santa Fe that I would welcome such an adventure, but I never really believed there was such contact. Now I am being asked to accept my spiritual guide as a lover. Of course, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised after our initial contact, wonder if Avedar were actually involved during that sex with Charles, anyway, guess that introduction to him should have been a clue. Well, it wasn’t or isn’t and I’m not convinced of anything right now.

Struggling to come to terms with this latest twist, Amanda was aware of Avedar’s energy around her, but wanted some confirmation for this unimaginable, at least to her, change and called upon her Dad for help. Although no longer living, having died suddenly from a heart attack at age 60, he reconnected with her years later from the spirit world. Being told by a psychic that her father was present, Amanda had been skeptical, even more so then, and wanted confirmation, similar to her current situation, and asked for some sign as she drove home. She clearly remembered feeling her Dad’s presence in the car, yet that was not enough proof. How did she know the feeling was real and how did she know it was him? Reading the Sunday paper that evening, she noticed the headline of an inside section, “Daddy’s Home,” as a tingling feeling enveloped her with a reassurance and, in her disbelief, she threw the paper down. Yet here it was, her message, and she knew it. Asking for more validation would serve no purpose, although friends joked about “If that is a sign, give me a sign.” Her Dad stayed around after that, sometimes the feeling was strong and sometimes not, but that one day, he returned to her life. When Avedar appeared, she accepted him since their encounter had been clear, or at least that was her view, but this shift in their relationship was different, a much stranger possibility.

Driving home from Santa Fe the next night in the dark, riding through the windy, mountainous road with the sharp drop-off to the left reaching hundreds of feet to a flowing river below, she felt the strength of the mountains enveloping her. As the car’s headlights pierced the darkness, Amanda felt alone but protected. Suddenly, her Dad’s energy pervaded the car, similar to his first visit.

“Hi Dad, so is Avedar a positive influence in my life, and can I trust his sexual connection, or am I just needing a man in my life so much that I use the excuse of this entity joining me?” She was unaware of the depth of that doubt and loneliness until she voiced it aloud. As often happened when she was focused and calm, there was an immediate response. No words, or at least not distinct expressions from her father, an exchange, however, reverberated in her head as he assured her that “Avedar” was in fact her spirit guide and also, if she chose, a partner.

Her life did not change outwardly after that. While often aware of Avedar, whom she nicknamed “Nick” after the character in the movie, welcoming him, and wondering if there would be some sort of a sexual exchange, she received no discernible communication, except once in a while she felt his presence and a sexual arousal and allowed herself to escape into the sensation, enjoying an orgasm without any physical touch. Never able to explain either his presence or this sexual attention, she chose not to mention him to anyone, with the exception of her close friend in Santa Fe, Dustin, who simply laughed and accepted this as one more of Amanda’s crazy beliefs, but the lover aspect, which was not shared, seemed too bizarre even for Dustin and too unclear even for herself.

Why had Avedar encouraged this move to Taos? Was it simply to reconnect with him, a question she never asked, knowing it was insignificant in her attempt to focus on larger issues, but his intermittent presence provided little comfort. As her website attracted more business and her successful talks sparked more engagements, her two and a half-hour hour trip to Albuquerque, the closest major airport, seemed longer and longer. While the town seemed the perfect spot, protected by the long mountainous road to the south and the unpopulated drive to the north, she began to feel more isolated and less peaceful in her life of brief external events. She continued, most days, optimistic and confident, but there were few friends in a place that didn’t react warmly to new people, and establishing a local community would take time.

Her decision to move to Connecticut the following year amazed her, although it wasn’t the move itself as much as the destination. How many times had she denied any desire to be back there, that place she had been born but left over 20 years ago? Traveling in the east was easier than her hours to the Albuquerque airport and more business opportunities were available, she countered her own argument; besides, family and friend connections were a draw, and her Mom was getting older. Before telling her sister, her childhood friend, or her Mom, all still living in Connecticut, or anyone else, she called Jennifer, her astrologer, who suggested an astrocartography chart to clarify the best places for her to live in the US, and to confirm if Connecticut was one of those.

“Give me the bottom line here,” suggested Amanda after listening to the astrological interpretations. Hours of discussions with Jennifer provided only a small grasp of the complicated concepts no matter how much they were explained to her. “Where is the best place for me and is Connecticut a good move?”

Jennifer sighed, “Well, your best line is either Venus, allowing for good relationships or prominence in business and going through Charleston, SC, Raleigh, NC and Roanoke, VA, or your Sun line which goes through Charlottesville, VA and Harpers Ferry, WV.”

“I love Harpers Ferry,” Amanda interrupted, “remember I told you I had friends there? But I don’t see myself living in that town. And what about Connecticut, what’s the story with that Neptune line? I don’t get you like it much.”

“I’ve never had luck living near one, remember Portland? Why did I ever move to Oregon anyway?”

“And didn’t you check your own chart before doing that?” Amanda laughed, always teasing Jennifer about moving to live with Bert, who was no longer in her life.

“Good idea at the time, but done with that foolishness now, and I’ve had many bad incidents with a Neptune line, but you were born on that line, so that makes a difference, I guess, and for you, the influence may be more spiritual. Just remember, though, it’s also a nebulous, unclear place.”

“Great, just what I need, more ambiguity in my life.”

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