Tuesday, May 29, 2012

As the Light of Venus Rose - Part I, Chapter Six

Part I, Chapter Six

Connecticut 2010

Early as usual, Amanda waited at the Starbuck’s CafĂ© in Barnes and Noble for her friend Marie, sipping on coffee and thinking about Avedar as she was apt to do when time permitted and few other distractions intervened. The morning was quiet with one other customer engrossed in her computer, so Amanda’s musings were uninterrupted. All of a sudden, she stopped and shook her head as a new idea surfaced. Avedar wasn’t a reptile, he was a dragon. A dragon?

Pulling out her iPad to check on information about and images of dragons, wondering what anyone did before this technology of instant gratification and a way to logically respond to an illogical thought, she found pictures that looked like she had always imagined Avedar, although there wasn’t any one picture with all the right features. She had come to see him as an upright eight-foot figure with hind legs longer than the front limbs, which were strong and not short or stubby as she knew from, seemingly, feeling them wrap around her often at night. His face was friendly, kind and gentle and he had a sense of humor reflected in his eyes and a constant hint of a smile with the corner of his mouth slightly upturned. That is how she always saw him, although further details and color eluded her. The internet images, however, were much closer than any of the reptile pictures she found. While the wings posed a problem as her vision never included them, fifth dimension creatures did not necessarily have to conform to third dimension realities.

Unlike the ancient reptiles that were portrayed mostly as negative creatures, dragons were friendly and considered good luck in China and Japan, and they were warm-blooded, which helped explain why she never felt quite right about the cold-blooded reptile-thing. 2012 was the Chinese Year of the Dragon, and she pondered if that had any significance. A website, colba.net, suggested dragons “accepted and taught those few men who sought the essence of truth.” Was that what she was doing, seeking the truth? She liked the second part which questioned what would happen if dragons revealed themselves to humans, and “…would we be able to accept another form of intelligence probably far superior to ours?” A dilemma she currently faced.

Marie interrupted her search, and Amanda rose to greet her with a big hug, “Hi, so glad we could get together, it’s been too long.”

“I know, good to see you. First, let me get my coffee, desperately need a cup this morning, and then tell me everything.”

Amanda looked up as Marie returned with coffee, admiring her slender body with shoulder-length blondish hair, colored from the now naturally whitish hue. Black pants with an orange shawl complemented a fashionable look, a trait she always admired about Marie.

The exchange of “How are you?” and “What’s new?” quickly moved to Amanda’s newest thoughts. “Didn’t you tell me about seeing dragonflies all summer long, often enough that you knew it wasn’t just a coincidence?” Marie asked as her caffeine kicked in and Amanda was nodding and looking quizzically at her and starting to say, “Yes, but I’m talking about…”

“I know,” Marie cut her off, as only close friends can do, “I know, you’re talking about dragons. But dragonflies, according to legend, were dragons, remember? Oh yeah, in the Medicine Cards by Jamie Sami, didn’t you say you met her in Santa Fe when you gave me that set of cards?”

Jamie Sams, the author of a tarot set called “Medicine Cards” lived outside of Santa Fe. Amanda spent a couple of afternoons visiting her and gained an appreciation for the importance of animals in the Native American tradition, and she used her Medicine cards often to look up the significance of animals that crossed her path.

“What else do the cards say? How did the dragon become a dragonfly? I don’t remember.”

“Me neither – just that the dragon was deceived by Coyote, the trickster, into changing. I don’t think it was a good thing, just not sure why,” Marie added.

“Oh sure, everything except the main point,” Amanda teased her. The conversation continued as Amanda reminded Marie about her encounters with Avedar, with Marie accepting the possibility of Avedar, even if he looked like a lizard or dragon. All she said was, “If that is your belief, I won’t question it,” quickly adding with a grin, “and I can see you with a dragon, and what is it exactly you’ll be doing together?” Amanda ignored her question, never mentioning the idea about leaving to work with Avedar, feeling to share that was unfair since Marie was very practical and, even though a spiritual person, she might have a hard time understanding, and Amanda wasn’t ready to defend her decision, not even to a best friend.

The conversation turned to updates on family members and mutual friends, and two hours later, after much laugher, they reluctantly got up from their place of respite for the afternoon rendez-vous, wishing, as always, there was more time to spend together. Their bond, which went back to their childhood, was strong. Nothing had ever interfered with that friendship, neither distance, different beliefs, backgrounds nor current demands. No matter how much time spent apart, their discussions always continued as if they had been together the previous day, and being in each other’s lives for so long meant the strong connection transcended time, and no topic was forbidden, except, of course, Amanda’s recent activity.

At home that afternoon, she went right to her set of Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through The Ways of Animals by Jamie Sams and David Carson to check on the dragonfly. Marie was right, as usual. The dragon was tricked by Coyote into changing form, although there was no explanation of why. Dragonfly represented “illusion.”

I guess “illusion” is as good as any description for what I have been through with Avedar. From guide to lover to lizard to dragon, lack of clarity at play. Seems as if the universe is not allowing me specific, clear explanations or descriptions of Avedar and my adventures. Yet that doesn’t make it unreal, just ambiguous. I can accept that…for now, especially after Jennifer warned me about astrological uncertainty in Connecticut.

The fact that Avedar might be a dragon made no difference in their relationship or in Amanda’s thinking, except that she suspected she was closer to the truth and that he was part of a race that did have superior intelligence. She remembered reading some myths that dragons had helped humans on earth previously, and although she had no idea if that had occurred or not, she did accept that at this time this dragon was around to help.

Sometimes she felt as if she were a dragon like Avedar. It wasn't a heavy feeling but as if this, what one might imagine as a big, clunky body, were actually light and comfortable. She could sense the wings folded to her sides and imagine them opening, spreading out with a lightness and softness that seemed unexpected. Too many pictures of the heavy, clunky dragon bodies in movies such as Dragonheart with Sean Connery had initially warped her thoughts. For now, she was seeing her companion as a warm, caring dragon with or without wings.

And I can’t wait to email Jacqueline, “Guess what, friend, my entity is a dragon!” Oh yes, she will love this latest twist.

Monday, May 14, 2012

As the Light of Venus Rose - Part I, Chapter Five

Part I, Chapter Five

Connecticut 2010

She never could recall exactly when and how it happened, but one day she knew that this entity with whom she had some kind of relationship was not a human-type figure, which was, of course, to be expected since he was not human. Sometimes she voiced her questions or comments out loud, often just expressing them in her mind. In their discussions, if one can call such their interaction a “discussion,” she was quiet, concentrated on Avedar and awaited a response. At first there were no clear answers, just a “knowing” what she was being told and that she received information she couldn’t explain. This was one of those times.

Not sure if she had questioned Avedar about his physical appearance or if the information just appeared, but however it happened, she was quite clear that this entity/being did not look at all as any “angel,” Nicholas Cage in the movie “City of Angels,” the blond guy Charles saw on the beach when Avedar distracted him, or anything she had ever seen. She sensed he was a large creature similar to an upright lizard.

She remembered years ago when her friend Mary Jane mentioned a large lizard-like reptile, vaguely recalling being comforted by this creature while meditating during one of her stays in Santa Fe. And she remembered the name Jeremiah, but that memory always conflicted, in her mind, with the popular song, “Jeremiah was a Bull Frog” from her earlier years. Memories sometimes help and sometimes just confuse issues. Somewhere in all of this, however, was her current awareness that Avedar was in fact a big lizard, and his name was not Jeremiah. The concept, then, of a reptile-like creature was not entirely new to her, except the part where she might spend her future with him as her lover and spiritual guide.

Just when I was beginning to feel comfortable with my “relationship” with someone from another dimension who I met in bed during a sexual encounter that I really couldn’t mention to anyone, now I add another element that seems much too far-fetched. Perhaps I’m going crazy, which would certainly account for much of what’s happening. If not, though, guess I’ll enjoy the process as I try to figure out if this could possibly be real, although “real” is becoming a relative term. A large lizard…hummm.

In the ensuing days, Amanda felt as if she had to assure Avedar that his appearance, even though she had never seen him but his appearance as was “known” to her, was not a problem. She did consider this for a while, determining that if she was destined to have such a personal relationship with a guide, who was she to question his physical appearance, his celestial manifestation, or whatever form he had. She stated that to him and felt a warm, loving feeling spread throughout her body as her acceptance was tenderly welcomed.

Not content, of course, to know that he looked like a lizard, Amanda wanted a picture or some physical representation, although she did have that pin that Dustin had given her in Santa Fe, a beautiful three inch long silver lizard, with no coloring except black finish on the raised spots on the back and small shiny black stone inset eyes, looking similar except in color to a salamander or a gecko encountered in Florida. While she had the sense that Avedar was over eight feet tall and walked upright, this jewelry served as a reminder.

Frustrated with her research on trying to find a picture of some creature that looked like him, Amanda figured out one morning that there might be no images since finding a third dimensional representation of a fifth or higher dimensional figure would be difficult, and Avedar had explained that he couldn’t function at this lower level. Intuitively sensing there would not be any additional information on his looks until she could figure it out on her own, and again, not sure what that meant, she knew she would see him at the right time and not before.

A little annoyed, although knowing that just showed her impatience, she took the next logical step of finding some data on lizards in early times. What was the research on lizards? Could Avedar have descended from some being that had visited earth?

Since lizards are a type of reptile, Amanda started there. There is not much written about early reptiles and, unfortunately, most was unfavorable. Reptoids, a combination of reptiles and humans, played a prominent role in some early history. Most of that is “fringe” research, ideas from authors who believe in some rather far-fetched origins of humans. 0n the internet, she found reference to a book, You are Becoming a Galactic Human by Virginia Essene and Sheldon Nidle, which she had read in the early 90s when it was the rage of all metaphysical/spiritual/new age searchers and included a time-line that talked of warring reptoid factions who were driven from earth by humans 900,000 years ago. The problem was that these were negative and harmful to humans. That didn’t seem right, so she kept looking. Some material seemed too extreme for Amanda’s beliefs, as she chuckled to herself about the fact that much of what she believed would be characterized that same way by most of her acquaintances, friends and family. There seemed to be a continuum of beliefs from “bizarre and unproven” to “not-so-bizarre and unproven” to “factual.” While the line to factual was constantly moving, she wasn’t quite comfortable yet with the bizarre stuff. Of course, her latest encounter with her guide pushed her a little further into that category.

In some Native American myths, reptiles were considered to have enlightened human beings before the dawn of civilization. References were made to drug users who reported reptilian entities and aliens during hallucinations. This seemed to be getting closer to what she wanted or hoped to find. She remembered another book in her “To be Reviewed for Newsletter” pile called Supernatural by Graham Hancock, one of her favorite authors on pre-historic material. Searching through her notes, she found that Hancock describes human encounters in ancient civilizations with, among other things, therianthropic creatures which are part human/part beast. He suggests that interactions with such beings throughout the ages occurred through altered states. While Amanda was never in such a trance, she was beginning to see some similarity. Perhaps a quiet meditation was that altered state, not requiring drugs to achieve the same result. Could humans be progressing in their ability to connect with other dimensions? Is that what is happening here with Avedar?

She loved Hancock’s statement that,

"Living in societies elevated by technology to almost godlike heights, we have convinced ourselves, against the wise advice of our ancestors, that there are no supernatural intelligences – that spirits do not exist, that fairies are crazed delusions, and the aliens are just figments. We may be wrong."

“We may be wrong.” That seemed to sum up Amanda’s view of past beliefs, her own and those of others. If she were going to accept Avedar as a lizard, the information from Hancock and that particular statement could be the most significant assistance she would receive, at least at this point in her journey.

Feeling better about not being the only one encountering supernatural beings in unusual forms, she decided to find out more of her background with Avedar, something that would help her understand, especially since she wasn’t getting any help on the visual for him.

She did her usual greeting, writing “Good Morning, I ask and give thanks, God, for Your Assistance through Lord Michael with the help of Avedar and other guides,” which was her way of contacting a higher vibration. Lately, she had been receiving clearer and more direct responses from him. She hoped this would be true today.

The reference to God was simply a way of acknowledging her belief in a higher being, the name of that being less important than the idea of its existence. Her reference to Lord Michael was a little more complicated since she added this from her reading of The Urantia Book, a channeled missive over 2000 pages in length with extremely small print that purported to describe the origins of earth and its place in the Universe. She had finished the material twice, much of it only a few pages a day, so the process each time took at least a year or more. The book began with a description of the universe, discussed the history of earth, or Urantia, and then explained the life and teachings of Jesus. Parts of the book were difficult to understand, such as the explanation of the origins of the universe with the multitude of layers and levels that Amanda found complicated and useless, yet something resonated in her as she read and sensed a reliable voice hidden amongst all the words.

She did accept that Earth was part of a larger system, and there were many other planets, governed by an entity with the title of Lord Michael who had actually visited and lived on earth as part of the training for his current administrative position. Over the years she simply allowed her beliefs to evolve and change as her reading and research continued. Lord Michael, as an intermediary between her and something greater, remained in her consciousness and in these frequent written mediations, as she liked to call her entreaties to the spiritual world.

The last part of the prayer included Avedar, who was now center to her request. She usually added, "and other guides" just to be sure not to ignore any other beings that were assisting. Her Dad was often around and she would, at times, directly address him, but today Avedar was the one she wished to hear from.

“Okay, Avedar, here’s what I’d like to know. If we are so connected, am I from the same place as you were originally and are you still there? Did we have a past life together on earth?”

Avedar responded immediately. She rarely had to wait, although she had to keep her mind quiet when she expected an answer, and that was the difficult part.

“We have not had a lifetime together on earth, although our connection began long ago. We reconnected at birth or shortly thereafter in this lifetime. Our love connection is new, although it has been building over lifetimes. We are originally from the same place. That is one reason for the strong rapport. More I cannot say now. But know we will be together. I love you.

When you join me, I will show you a wonderful world. I am not able to physically be on earth. You will never “see” me except in vibrational visits. I am able to see what you describe or feel when you sit calmly and peacefully. At those times, I am with you and feel the vibration and energy of the moment. I feel the beauty, and when you are very calm, I get a glimpse through your eyes and actually see. But I already know much about earth, of course, from my contacts with others that I guide. At this point, I am focused exclusively on earth. This is a major transitional time and I, along with you and others, have chosen to take on this task to assist humans, and there is much to be done on your planet.”

Assuming “vibrational visits” meant when she was able to sense his presence, she thanked him, as always, and sat back to digest the information, knowing that to ask for clarification was useless since she had been given what she needed, at least according to Avedar, even if she wished for more, as she usually did.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

As the Light of Venus Rose - Part I, Chapter Four

Part I, Chapter Four

Connecticut 2010

Working on her monthly newsletter, which Amanda had been writing for the past few years where she reviewed what she felt were the best metaphysical or spiritual books, seemed more difficult this month as her mind wandered with the desire to talk to a friend or someone who would understand that she did have a spiritual guide, and lover, who offered her a job on another dimension that she had accepted. Shaking off the distracting thoughts, she revised the third book review for this issue, Deepak Chopra’s The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence, which talked about the importance of coincidence in lives. Not a new book, this was simply the next one in her “To Be Reviewed For Newsletter” pile. Chopra was one of her favorite authors and despite his fame, she continued to find his material valid and valuable. Years ago at a conference in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, she had heard him speak on synchronicity and since then had watched the phenomenon take place in her own life. Carl Jung had also, of course, discussed this idea, as she commented in her review, but Chopra, in this book, coined an extension of the term as “synchrodestiny,” the idea of allowing one’s life to unfold as the right opportunities presented themselves, which encompassed being more aware of surroundings, both spiritually and physically. By the time she began proofreading this final review, she found herself settling into the flow of the work.

Knowing most people did not have the time to read all of the books she recommended, she was more interested in conveying significant ideas from the works than enticing subscribers to read them. The responses each month indicated this was a good formula. Always wanting to add something new or different, however, she thought about offering a free Akashic Records Reading to new subscribers. There had been more than the usual number of people signing up in the last few months and this would be a way to give back to the universe, as she tried to do as often as possible, as well as provide a marketing tool to promote her Akashic Readings, which were available on her website, but new subscribers would provide good word-of-mouth recommendations.

The Akashic Records, as Amanda explained in the newsletter, are an infinite storage area of our life’s events, or the universal library in the sky. She liked the terms used by Linda Howe in her best-selling How To Read the Akashic Records: Accessing the Archive of the Soul and Its Journey, of “cosmic internet,” a place one could “google” specific information. The Records include all past lives, all present lifetime experiences, including the past, present and future, and all future incarnations. Accessing this Hall of Records is possible, but they were not available for predictions about the future, as Amanda cautioned. They provide a guidance for spiritual growth, answering such questions as “What issues are blocking people?” “What lessons are being learned from relationships?” “Why am I in a particular geographical area, such as country, state and/or town?” “What other past lives am I connected to at this time?” and “What is my purpose in life regarding my kids, partner, spouse, or parent?” All of these were addressed by Amanda in her work with clients. What she liked most about of the Records was they were not the exclusive domain of any one religion or spiritual belief; they were accessible to all.

She was surprised at the quick response to her offer and began working on the requested Readings, spending about a half hour on each. She would address the question each person posed, sit quietly at the computer, say out loud the prayer to ask permission to open that person’s Akashic Records and then type whatever information came to her, marveling at how the material just seemed to flow. Unlike some who used the Akashic Records, Amanda wrote her responses and found that format better than talking with people in person or over the phone, probably because she was a writer, especially enjoying the fact, as she explained to friends, that whether the person was from the US, South Africa, Indonesia, England or Australia, and she had clients in these areas, each one had similar concerns and seemed equally pleased with the help provided. Amanda had only done these Readings for a few years and they allowed her to tap into another dimension, something she had done for a long time but previously not for others. Anyone could access other realms, but time, focus and knowledge were required to do so.

By the next day she had completed most of the Readings and while answering the numerous email requests from her website, newsletter, and friends, she received a thank-you from one of them. Jacqueline lived in France and was a healer. As Amanda read the email, she quickly pulled up the copy of the Reading she had sent in order to know more about this woman and read the key parts received from the Lords of the Records:

We understand that Jacqueline wants more specifics on her day-to-day routine beginning now. That information is not available. We provide some larger-picture scenarios, not the details. Those are determined by the individual. Never forget that personal choice and direction are always at work as one advances, as Jacqueline has, to a higher degree. That said, we can provide some new information. Jacqueline will begin to see a shift in the people brought into her circle. Her Bed and Breakfast will become a haven for others and she will provide healing, as well as room and food. Her mission involving others will become more clear as the physical space around her becomes more clear. As her home is renovated to be its future, Jacqueline will see her own life “renovated” for its future. The process has begun for both. Yes, her place is a vortex and that will become stronger as the energy becomes stronger.

Amanda smiled, realizing Jacqueline was like her – wanting specifics and always asking for more – and understood that the information, although not the details, was also for her, knowing that the specifics in life are “determined by the individual” and that personal choice would create her future. The bigger picture was a given, how that was arrived at was open to personal choice.

Amanda responded immediately, discussing her spiritual quest and work, sensing a connection with this woman in France. Again, a quick reply. Amanda laughed as she read:

Wow!!! we do have a lot in common. I'm 57 this year!!! I could never imagine someone called Amanda being old (er!!!....) but it's all in the mind anyway, although try telling that to the physical aches and pains. I am a teacher (part time) of English in companies now, though I started my training to become a healer in the UK.

Like you I am very busy (one advantage of getting older, no small children to look after). I organized a big lesson at home on Saturday with a friend and colleague whose specialty is karmic astrology to teach some of my students and association friends the basics of karmic astrology. Wonderful afternoon. They are Buddhists (like me, in that I try to live the principles of Buddhism although there is no association near to where I live). I organized a workshop with a Dutch lady. If you go onto my site on the 2nd page (I think) there is a link to her, she is offering 100 free readings as part of her apprenticeship. If you get in touch with her, tell her I sent you. Anyway, the Dutch lady and I met via another friend. Isn't it wonderful? We are all meeting up at this momentous time.

For the next few days, they emailed at least twice a day with long, personal missives that had the freedom of talking to someone far away without worry about any judgment. The time difference of six hours posed no problem as there were always some hours in the day when both were at the computer, or Amanda would get messages as soon as she awoke and be able to respond before her daily work began.

Amanda never found the time to check out the free reading mentioned by Jacqueline, but while taking some time to meditate, an activity she never did quite successfully, she realized that Jacqueline was an example of the synchronicity in Chopra’s book. Her complaints about wanting someone to confide in seemed to be answered. Here was this French woman who was a healer and into similar spiritual study, appearing suddenly, someone who seemed like an old friend already. They shared similar beliefs and doubts and both seemed open to a different future. On Jacqueline’s website, a picture of her amongst the information promoting her healing workshops showed slightly curly, short blondish hair surrounding the round face of this woman in her 50s who seemed happy and sincere with a twinkle in her eyes.

“I may have found a new friend,” Amanda said out loud. “And if the Chopra’s synchrodensity works, I may have someone to confide in, someone I can trust will listen and understand my dilemma instead of dismissing it as foolish.”

With those thoughts, and not one to waste time, she emailed Jacqueline that day, detailing her belief that she might be leaving the planet sometime in 2012, the time frame that recently surfaced in her meditative thoughts, to assist her guide. As always, Jacqueline’s response was prompt. While not accepting Amanda’s death, selfishly she admitted since she hoped they would meet, she supported the beliefs and understood the idea of helping in other dimensions, and Amanda felt the comfort, even if not total acceptance, from someone who understood.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

As the Light of Venus Rose - Part I, Chapter Three

Part I, Chapter Three

Taos 2004

Situated on the edge of Taos, Amanda’s new adobe-brick home with passive solar panels offered extra warmth from the sun’s rays in the cold winters at the 7000 foot altitude and provided a quiet retreat to prepare her talks on spiritual awareness, fueled by her own growth. Her travels throughout the western states to present workshops and seminars kept her busy as she enjoyed the solace of the town.

One evening relaxing alone by the wood stove, which added extra comfort after sunset, Amanda watched the movie City of Angels, starring Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan, the story of an angel, Cage, who falls in love with a human, Ryan, and he has the chance to “descend” from being an angel in order to live with her. Once he does, however, the Ryan character dies suddenly in an accident, but the angel-turned-man never regrets his decision.

A spiritual, or at least other worldly, being falling in love with a human caught Amanda’s attention. The previous night, Amanda had dreamed of a library scene, vague with few remembered specifics, other than she had been viewing rows of book shelves. In the movie, when the angel walked into a library, where he and angels like him “lived” on earth, seemingly a base camp, Amanda felt pulled into a remembrance or message as that prickly feeling occurred and she knew her connection with Avedar was back, sensing him in her home, and in thoughts triggered by the movie, knowing he was more than just a guide, he was appealing to her as a lover.

Okay... I have heard about humans having sex with beings on other dimensions, and I remember joking with a friend who visited me in Santa Fe that I would welcome such an adventure, but I never really believed there was such contact. Now I am being asked to accept my spiritual guide as a lover. Of course, maybe I shouldn’t be surprised after our initial contact, wonder if Avedar were actually involved during that sex with Charles, anyway, guess that introduction to him should have been a clue. Well, it wasn’t or isn’t and I’m not convinced of anything right now.

Struggling to come to terms with this latest twist, Amanda was aware of Avedar’s energy around her, but wanted some confirmation for this unimaginable, at least to her, change and called upon her Dad for help. Although no longer living, having died suddenly from a heart attack at age 60, he reconnected with her years later from the spirit world. Being told by a psychic that her father was present, Amanda had been skeptical, even more so then, and wanted confirmation, similar to her current situation, and asked for some sign as she drove home. She clearly remembered feeling her Dad’s presence in the car, yet that was not enough proof. How did she know the feeling was real and how did she know it was him? Reading the Sunday paper that evening, she noticed the headline of an inside section, “Daddy’s Home,” as a tingling feeling enveloped her with a reassurance and, in her disbelief, she threw the paper down. Yet here it was, her message, and she knew it. Asking for more validation would serve no purpose, although friends joked about “If that is a sign, give me a sign.” Her Dad stayed around after that, sometimes the feeling was strong and sometimes not, but that one day, he returned to her life. When Avedar appeared, she accepted him since their encounter had been clear, or at least that was her view, but this shift in their relationship was different, a much stranger possibility.

Driving home from Santa Fe the next night in the dark, riding through the windy, mountainous road with the sharp drop-off to the left reaching hundreds of feet to a flowing river below, she felt the strength of the mountains enveloping her. As the car’s headlights pierced the darkness, Amanda felt alone but protected. Suddenly, her Dad’s energy pervaded the car, similar to his first visit.

“Hi Dad, so is Avedar a positive influence in my life, and can I trust his sexual connection, or am I just needing a man in my life so much that I use the excuse of this entity joining me?” She was unaware of the depth of that doubt and loneliness until she voiced it aloud. As often happened when she was focused and calm, there was an immediate response. No words, or at least not distinct expressions from her father, an exchange, however, reverberated in her head as he assured her that “Avedar” was in fact her spirit guide and also, if she chose, a partner.

Her life did not change outwardly after that. While often aware of Avedar, whom she nicknamed “Nick” after the character in the movie, welcoming him, and wondering if there would be some sort of a sexual exchange, she received no discernible communication, except once in a while she felt his presence and a sexual arousal and allowed herself to escape into the sensation, enjoying an orgasm without any physical touch. Never able to explain either his presence or this sexual attention, she chose not to mention him to anyone, with the exception of her close friend in Santa Fe, Dustin, who simply laughed and accepted this as one more of Amanda’s crazy beliefs, but the lover aspect, which was not shared, seemed too bizarre even for Dustin and too unclear even for herself.

Why had Avedar encouraged this move to Taos? Was it simply to reconnect with him, a question she never asked, knowing it was insignificant in her attempt to focus on larger issues, but his intermittent presence provided little comfort. As her website attracted more business and her successful talks sparked more engagements, her two and a half-hour hour trip to Albuquerque, the closest major airport, seemed longer and longer. While the town seemed the perfect spot, protected by the long mountainous road to the south and the unpopulated drive to the north, she began to feel more isolated and less peaceful in her life of brief external events. She continued, most days, optimistic and confident, but there were few friends in a place that didn’t react warmly to new people, and establishing a local community would take time.

Her decision to move to Connecticut the following year amazed her, although it wasn’t the move itself as much as the destination. How many times had she denied any desire to be back there, that place she had been born but left over 20 years ago? Traveling in the east was easier than her hours to the Albuquerque airport and more business opportunities were available, she countered her own argument; besides, family and friend connections were a draw, and her Mom was getting older. Before telling her sister, her childhood friend, or her Mom, all still living in Connecticut, or anyone else, she called Jennifer, her astrologer, who suggested an astrocartography chart to clarify the best places for her to live in the US, and to confirm if Connecticut was one of those.

“Give me the bottom line here,” suggested Amanda after listening to the astrological interpretations. Hours of discussions with Jennifer provided only a small grasp of the complicated concepts no matter how much they were explained to her. “Where is the best place for me and is Connecticut a good move?”

Jennifer sighed, “Well, your best line is either Venus, allowing for good relationships or prominence in business and going through Charleston, SC, Raleigh, NC and Roanoke, VA, or your Sun line which goes through Charlottesville, VA and Harpers Ferry, WV.”

“I love Harpers Ferry,” Amanda interrupted, “remember I told you I had friends there? But I don’t see myself living in that town. And what about Connecticut, what’s the story with that Neptune line? I don’t get you like it much.”

“I’ve never had luck living near one, remember Portland? Why did I ever move to Oregon anyway?”

“And didn’t you check your own chart before doing that?” Amanda laughed, always teasing Jennifer about moving to live with Bert, who was no longer in her life.

“Good idea at the time, but done with that foolishness now, and I’ve had many bad incidents with a Neptune line, but you were born on that line, so that makes a difference, I guess, and for you, the influence may be more spiritual. Just remember, though, it’s also a nebulous, unclear place.”

“Great, just what I need, more ambiguity in my life.”

Sunday, February 12, 2012

As The Light of Venus Rose - Part I, Chapter Two

Part I, Chapter Two

Santa Fe 2001

Charles and Amanda lay in bed resting after their exhaustive sexual exploits of the evening, and she knew he would be leaving soon. She hungered for more time with him, always wanting what wasn’t available, disliking that she was having this affair with a married man, but reconciling that her connection with him was too strong to resist. That was her rationale anyway, and he was so insistent that they would be together soon.

“Amanda,” said Charles, his voice startling her as she thought he had fallen asleep.

“What?” she inquired, moving closer and turning on her side to face him.

“You wondered about moving to Taos,” he commented, referring to her recent thoughts. There was a strange tone to his voice.

“Yes,” she said, hesitating.

“I’m here to help.”

“Oh, really, Charles, and how is that?” she asked, with a hint of sarcasm, always annoyed when he tried to tell her what to do with her life.

“I’m not Charles,” was the response.

“And who are you?” Amanda laughed, figuring this was his way of preaching wisdom under the guise of another.

“I’m your guide. What would you like to know?”

Now Amanda was beginning to question what was going on, concerned that this voice didn’t sound at all like the deeper resonance of Charles, yet not feeling threatened. More than a few glasses of her favorite Beaujolais, a gift from Charles, had mellowed her out significantly, but she knew the difference between him fooling around and something more serious happening. Even though he was connected to the spirit world, as their conversations bordered on discussions of spiritual practices and other dimensions, and even though he prided himself on his intellectual and spiritual abilities, she was unprepared for a meeting of another entity in his body in her bed.

She had never known him to channel anyone before; in fact, he didn’t trust many of the self-proclaimed channelers of Santa Fe, those who would relay messages from spirits, either the dead or other nonphysical beings, hoping to communicate with humans. Their intent was usually of a helpful nature, but one could never be sure and there was often no way to validate the information received. Most channelers went into a trance, such as Edgar Cayce, or simply conveyed messages, yet Amanda had heard of spirits taking control of a human body.

And here she was, talking with a voice claiming not to be Charles in Charles’ body, and why was it that she felt she could trust this being talking to her, especially with the unusual element of a first meeting in the nude in bed?

“What is your name?” she began.

“Avedar or Avedon, your choice,” came the reply.

“Avedon sounds too final, so I’ll go with Avedar, if that’s all right.” Later, she could never remember why she said that, all she knew is that she had replied immediately and chosen the name “Avedar.”

“That’s fine.”

Amanda, ever focused, continued, “Now, do you think I should move to Taos?”

“That would be a good experience.”

Amanda was wondering what else to ask and beginning to question the reality of this experience, when she saw Charles’ body twitch and his head shake, as he questioned “What was that?” in his normal voice, as if he hadn’t been part of the past few minutes.

Amanda looked at him, incredulously, “Don’t you know?”

“All I know is that I was relaxing here and drifted off, imagining myself on a beach. Some blonde, tanned guy in a bathing suit caught my attention and the next thing I knew, I was out of my body and he had stepped in. Never had that happen before. And I don’t want it to happen again, ever. Why, what’d you experience?”

In disbelief at the sequence of events, she explained the conversation, yet after questioning Charles extensively, she was convinced that he was not joking and that he really did feel this other entity had taken over his body when he got distracted on the beach. And he was not happy about it, “I’ll never be out of control like that again.”

As far as Amanda knew, he never was. But then, she and Charles discontinued their affair shortly after that. His claim of being in love with her, which she knew was true, was not enough for him to leave his marriage. She never had an encounter with Avedar like that again, wondering if sex was a prerequisite to such an occupation of another’s body; if so, no future sexual encounters ever produced this same result, either with Avedar or any other being.

In fact, there was very little contact with Avedar at all. Once in a while, such as when watching the movie Yentl, she would be surprised at her reaction as she heard the name of one of the characters, “Avedor,” which was similar to Avedar. That would remind her and she would think of him, but nothing happened. He seemed to be around, yet there was no direct communication, only the vague sense that she had this spiritual guide on another dimension. And that did not change until three years later.

Monday, January 30, 2012

As The Light of Venus Rose - Part I, Chapter One

As The Light of Venus Rose
Part I, Chapter One

Connecticut 2010

Amanda Peterson wondered about her latest thoughts. Why did she feel she was going to die and move on to another life on another dimension? She couldn’t quite grasp the whole concept. Reincarnation was not new, the existence of other planes was not new, and dying didn’t seem so scary. Yet this idea of accepting death, when she wasn’t even ill, to help her spirit guide, Avedar, on another level was something even her vivid imagination was having trouble comprehending. The thought, however, excited her. Crazy or not, this commitment, made after days of meditating, seemed real and believable. There was never any real doubt about her decision, but how could she ever explain this idea to anyone when there was so little clarity for her? And she wasn’t going to kill herself; somehow she was just going to die.

Disbelief became her companion for the next six months. Despite the nagging internal conviction, she couldn’t allow herself in the sane moments of the daylight to trust the seemingly insane idea of the spiritual, nightly communication. When she was brave enough to present the idea to her sister, Nancy listened sympathetically, which made her feel better, then offered a psychic reading with an acquaintance who proceeded to tell her that she was surrounded by negative energy and needed to drink more water. An astrology reading from a friend didn’t shed any light, either psychically or astrologically. Left with either trusting her own awareness or dismissing the idea as foolish, Amanda continued to proceed cautiously in her mind and spent weeks assessing if her fascination was simply wanting another challenge.

Although she was happy with her life, once the idea sank in, so did more and more dissatisfaction. While her research and writing continued to be inspiring, social activities left her feeling lonely and empty, whether in a crowd or a small group of friends. Any plans for the future didn’t quite measure up. National and international news became less interesting with all of the negativity to be transcended, and she felt a shift to a bigger picture, even if that image had little focus.

More thought created more excitement about a new adventure, with surprisingly no depression, as if she had been offered a job with a different future than anticipated, and that intrigued her. Dying wouldn’t be bad, even if she wasn’t ready to leave earth with the pull of family and friends and so many things to do. Facing the finality of death and uncertainty of the process became less and less frightening and she wondered why the idea didn’t worry her more. Exhilaration, not concern about life on another plane, permeated her being with the reassurance of reincarnation providing another life experience even if, in this case, that venture was on another planet. A psychic told her, many years earlier, that she had lived over 1500 lives on earth, both as male and female. Never sure, she joked with friends, whether that meant she was a slow learner or not, she did accept, after years of research into past lives, both hers and others, her hundreds of learning opportunities as a human. Perhaps now was the time to move onto another venue.

More than twenty-five years earlier, Amanda had begun her conscious quest into the mystical realm. That changed her life. During that time, she built and sold a successful business consulting firm, established her current spiritual/metaphysical training company, weathered two marriages and other romantic relationships, and lived in numerous towns and states. The most significant change, however, despite all outward appearances, was the internal growth from a seemingly self-assured woman to a less-secure but overall more accepting spiritual being.

Let’s see. How did I get here? How did I arrive at this feeling of not being satisfied, which is less about discontent and more about recognition that my way of life no longer works and a different approach is needed? Why do I think that I can help create that from another level? Where did I come up with a weird idea that I am being asked to leave this incarnation earlier than expected, or perhaps this was the plan all along, to work with a group on another dimension to impact, in some small way, earth’s evolution – whatever that means? I’m an educator, one of the consistencies in my life, so if I have been chosen, or more likely, if I volunteered, teaching would be involved. How I can help is totally beyond my understanding at this point, but I’ve learned not to worry about the details, oh, and that’s only taken about 60 years to accomplish. I can’t believe I’m not even concerned about the cause of death. I always imagined I would die of a heart attack as my Dad did and expect that will be my ending, but even if there is a fatal accident, life-threatening disease or something quite different, I seem to have no fear or obsession with not knowing at this point. Wonder how I’ll feel in a few months…if I’m still around. How did I get here?

Wish I could trace my spiritual focus back to one meaningful event. But then, there was the initial meeting with Avedar that began this chapter of my life.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

New Approach: Work-in-Progress of a Mystical, Spiritual Novel

Beginning this month, I will begin posting my new novel, As the Light of Venus Rose, a work-in-progress. In this mystical, spiritual novel, Amanda Peterson struggles with her decision to die in order to join Avedar, her guide and lover, on another dimension to assist teaching souls before they reincarnate on Earth.

Themes in this novel include:

Personal, Spiritual Growth
Acceptance of the existence of Advanced Beings
Understanding of Ancient Ancestors
Balancing the Spirit and Material World
Acknowledging Unexpected Forms of Advanced Beings
Trusting Destiny; Learning Tools for Dying

Writing a novel is a study of oneself as well as a study and view of the world. These combine in a work that is shared with others. Join me as I go on that journey and comment on the progress. I invite your thoughts and critique, along with your questions.